we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
