Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
