It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
