there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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