i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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