dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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