i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
