be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
