Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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