So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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