i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have tasted many bathrooms
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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