the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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