I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
