she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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