you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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