My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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