Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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