if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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