I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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