Do you still have your period?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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