eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
