The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
