bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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