I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
