Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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