then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
