You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
