Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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