You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
