No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
