In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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