Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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