the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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