I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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