I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
