I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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