I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you didnt know i had herpes?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
