and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm at about main and main street
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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