Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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