Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
not ubering you a puppy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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