No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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