Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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