I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
