all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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