I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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