You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
