i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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