just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
