boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
