I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
