Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's blow job season.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
