the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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