I need help removing her.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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