This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
