I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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