the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
