Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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