my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
