Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
the liver wants what the liver wants
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
