All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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