Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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