i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
