I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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