Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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