I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
