Say something about gay babies.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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