I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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