I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize