well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
