Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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