I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do vagina's smell?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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